Category: Life Experience
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When Pain Makes No Sense
I can feel a nettle sting for a whole day, like a chemical burn.But I can ride home with blood running down my leg and not feel a thing. This is a contrast. I was so fascinated by my obsession and need for contrast that it eventually led me to discover that I am autistic,…
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Pattern Anomaly Detection
Introduction Since I discovered my autism, I’ve been trying to understand how it works in detail. Along the way, I’ve fallen into what might well be a new special interest: neurodivergence itself. The more I read, the more I map, the more I notice fascinating technical topics that shape my daily life. This shift has…
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The Gate That Spiked My Heart
It was a familiar ride. My legs were in rhythm, the wind was strong but manageable, and I was heading down a road I had taken at least a hundred times before. Cycling is usually when my body and brain settle into harmony. Then I saw it: a gate. No prior sign, no warning. The…
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When People Loved My Autism Without Knowing
People often showed they liked my personality. Teachers, adults, even CEOs. But looking back, I realise something funny: they weren’t just liking me, they were liking my autism. They just didn’t know it. As a teenager, adults found me calm and ‘mature’ because I wasn’t doing the stereotypical teenage chaos. At school, teachers loved my…
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Proprioception 101: The Body’s Secret GPS
Most of us know the five classic senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch. But there are more senses and one of them is hiding in plain sight: proprioception. Think of it as your internal GPS: the system that tells you where your arms, legs, and body parts are without looking. It’s why you can touch…
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Living With Autistic Inertia
Sometimes, starting is the hardest part, even for things I want to do. A teenage dinner-table mystery I can still picture it: teenage me, deeply absorbed in something (usually related to computers). My mum’s voice comes from the kitchen: “Dinner’s ready!” I don’t move. She calls again. Still nothing. I’m not ignoring her on purpose.…
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When Intuition is Pattern Recognition in Disguise
When You Can’t Unsee the Pattern For me, self-discovery didn’t begin with a checklist.It began with a single sensory clue: I’m dependent on visual contrast. That was the spark. I was fascinated by this trait that remained unseen for decades, and I felt the urgent need to understand it. I linked it to Sensory Processing…
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The Pattern That Won the Points
During a particularly complex physics exam, which involved dealing with about two dozen different parameters, I encountered a problem focused on resonance in the context of frequency filtering. This problem involved coils and capacitors, components commonly used in electronic circuits. When I saw the given values, I noticed a unique pattern where the effects of…
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The Tension Between PDA and Fawning (People Pleasing)
Fawning: “I’ll do anything to make you like me.”PDA: “I’ll do anything to protect my autonomy.” I discovered a strange tension in me: I want to be helpful and kind, but I also hate being told what to do. That contradiction makes sense now: it’s a mix of fawning (from trauma, also known as people-pleasing)…
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Chaos, Routines and Rituals
The Pattern in Chaos I used to dismiss the idea that I could be on the autism spectrum, and one reason was that my life looked too chaotic. But I now see my world like a thunderstorm: chaotic on the surface, but following meteorological patterns. Routine vs Ritual — What Shapes My Life I don’t…