Author: drakewla
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The Double-Lock: When “I Don’t Like It” Isn’t About Motivation
A Childhood Moment In primary school, during a handball session, I withdrew completely from the game. I stayed physically present but refused to engage. The teacher insisted that I’d join the game, but instead, my mind drifted into my inner world. Then the ball accidentally hit my leg, and my team received a foul. I…
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The Pocket Strategy: When Food Becomes a Boundary
There were rules, and I had a pocket When I was in my early years of primary school, I had lunch with a nanny. She was very strict about finishing everything on our plates. Leaving food was not allowed. I hated meat. I wasn’t a fan of the taste, but I also couldn’t tolerate the texture.…
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When Pain Makes No Sense
I can feel a nettle sting for a whole day, like a chemical burn.But I can ride home with blood running down my leg and not feel a thing. This is a contrast. I was so fascinated by my obsession and need for contrast that it eventually led me to discover that I am autistic,…
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Pattern Anomaly Detection
Introduction Since I discovered my autism, I’ve been trying to understand how it works in detail. Along the way, I’ve fallen into what might well be a new special interest: neurodivergence itself. The more I read, the more I map, the more I notice fascinating technical topics that shape my daily life. This shift has…
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The Gate That Spiked My Heart
It was a familiar ride. My legs were in rhythm, the wind was strong but manageable, and I was heading down a road I had taken at least a hundred times before. Cycling is usually when my body and brain settle into harmony. Then I saw it: a gate. No prior sign, no warning. The…
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When People Loved My Autism Without Knowing
People often showed they liked my personality. Teachers, adults, even CEOs. But looking back, I realise something funny: they weren’t just liking me, they were liking my autism. They just didn’t know it. As a teenager, adults found me calm and ‘mature’ because I wasn’t doing the stereotypical teenage chaos. At school, teachers loved my…
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Proprioception 101: The Body’s Secret GPS
Most of us know the five classic senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch. But there are more senses and one of them is hiding in plain sight: proprioception. Think of it as your internal GPS: the system that tells you where your arms, legs, and body parts are without looking. It’s why you can touch…
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Living With Autistic Inertia
Sometimes, starting is the hardest part, even for things I want to do. A teenage dinner-table mystery I can still picture it: teenage me, deeply absorbed in something (usually related to computers). My mum’s voice comes from the kitchen: “Dinner’s ready!” I don’t move. She calls again. Still nothing. I’m not ignoring her on purpose.…
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When Intuition is Pattern Recognition in Disguise
When You Can’t Unsee the Pattern For me, self-discovery didn’t begin with a checklist.It began with a single sensory clue: I’m dependent on visual contrast. That was the spark. I was fascinated by this trait that remained unseen for decades, and I felt the urgent need to understand it. I linked it to Sensory Processing…
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New Pages About Self-Discovery and The Bike Crash I Almost Avoided (and more)
Site Updates: Discovery, Deepening and a Bike Crash. A few important updates went live this week; some long in the making, others sparked by new insight: My Full Self-Discovery Story Is Now Online The entire self-discovery journey is now published as a 5-part series: Each piece builds on the last, but you can also jump…