Mixed Effects – Not Broken. Just Buffered.

Not broken. Just mapped differently.

My name is Tristan. I’m an Athletic Nerd — someone who blends intellectual curiosity with a love for movement.

For years, I was living in a system without the source code. I reverse-engineered my mind by mapping traits and tracing. Once I understood the logic, it gave me back control and pride.
Now, I’m the system architect.
The best part? I finally have access to the source code, and every day I’m learning a bit more of the language.

I am autistic, shaped by patterns I couldn’t explain for years, but now they finally make sense. I embrace this part of myself. I also have ADHD and a constellation of neurodivergent traits that keep life interesting.

My mind is a mix of deep focus and curious tangents. Some days I’m precise; other days I chase ideas like a puppy with too many tennis balls. I’ve come to appreciate both aspects..

This space began as a personal exploration for self-understanding and evolved into something I hope might help others too. It’s based purely on my experience — nothing scientific or professional.

It wasn’t a social struggle or a burnout that made me realise I was autistic — it was discovering I’m dependent on contrast. That single sensory clue turned into fascination, and I followed it until my whole map unfolded.

If you think in layers, feel in echoes, see patterns everywhere, write in iterations, or live in paradox: you’re not alone.

If you‘ve landed here as a fellow traveller, welcome. You may find fragments that echo your own story.

And if you’re here trying to understand someone you care about — someone who struggles to explain how their brain works — you’re welcome too.
These pages began as a way to explain myself to me. Maybe they’ll help bridge the gap for you, too.

If you‘re here as a mental health professional or someone supporting me directly: this space wasn’t created to prove anything, but it might offer insight.

If you’re a friend or family, you’ll probably learn more about me in those pages than during our long relationship, and I’d be curious to get your honest feedback.

If you’re a robot, please respect my robots.txt.

These are the patterns I’ve mapped in order to understand how I work, how I adapt, and what I need.

The pages are accessible via the top menu. You don’t need to read it all. But if something resonates, thank you for noticing.

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